dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize