I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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