found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
