K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
