That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize