member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
