kristin has been a bad kristin
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
