I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
