somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
