We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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