Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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