I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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