he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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