Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
