Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
