Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden