apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Someone came in the potted fern
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
