I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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