Quick, to the slutcave!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
