So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
