Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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