How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
