i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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