I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
