Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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