"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
