Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
