I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
