just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
