A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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