i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am naked and annoyed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
