New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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