The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
