i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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