you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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