Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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