Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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