I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
