Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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