i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize