walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we should paint friendship bongs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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