Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
