Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
