yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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