Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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