Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
