my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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