i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
