I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
