I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
