Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we're making bets on your personal life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
