Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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