3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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