either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
