that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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