so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
