I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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