the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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