I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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