My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
