shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
