You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
