Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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