my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
