she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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