God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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