please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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