I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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