cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
